ROYAL PALM BEACH, FL — A 35-year-old man has been working at the same desk for 92 consecutive days, sleeping under his monitor, eating nothing but Huel Black Edition shakes, and refusing to leave his office for the simple reason that, in his words, "if I leave this office, my data is exposed."
The man, identified only as "Mykool" by his employer Cloaked (a privacy-focused software company headquartered in New York City), has not taken a single vacation day, lunch break, or bathroom trip since May 12th.
"I asked him if he wanted to take a PTO day," said Steph, who is part of the HR Talent Team at Cloaked. "I said, 'Mykool, you can go see the ocean. You can go see a beach. You can go see any body of water that is not a puddle under your desk.' He looked at me. He said, 'The ocean is a network, Steph, and unknown networks are not to be trusted.' Then he went back to his screen."
According to a review of company security logs, Mykool has not left his office during this period. His badge scans show a continuous presence from 6:47 a.m. to approximately 5:15 a.m. the following day, with a 4-minute gap at 2:30 a.m. that building maintenance attributes to "the sound of a man whispering to his hard drive."
The situation came to a head on July 14th, when Mykool's manager, Angela Chan, attempted to convince him to take a single afternoon off.
"I said, 'Mykool, you have been at that desk for two months. Go outside. Sleep. Touch grass. Anything.' He looked at me for a long time. He said, 'If I go, who will keep the brokers at bay?' I said, 'The rest of us, Mykool. We are the perimeter now.' He said, 'Angela, if I touch grass, the grass will touch me back, and I will not know what it is logging.' Then he went back to his screen. I have never seen a person so committed to an idea."
Angela Chan, in all her years at Cloaked, said she has never once seen an employee refuse a paid vacation on principle. "I have managed through a surprise visit from the fire marshal, through a very strange incident involving a conference room and an android robot who only speaks Mandarin. But this? This is new. I have started leaving his door open. If he is going to disappear into a screen, at least the room can breathe."
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MAY 12Mykool begins his "privacy sprint." Tells his team he is "locking down verifications." The team assumes this is a metaphor. It is not.
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MAY 20Mykool covers his monitor with a lead-lined apron he purchased from a medical supply store. IT confirms it does nothing. He does not care.
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MAY 26Mykool refuses to attend a company picnic, stating, "The corn on the cob is being tracked by the data brokers." HR sends a strongly worded email. He replies with a 47-page essay on DNS leaks.
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JUNE 11Mykool installs a "privacy ward" above his desk consisting of a tinfoil hat, a rubber duck, and a framed print of Edward Snowden. The rubber duck is the most effective component, according to his colleagues.
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JULY 14Angela Chan attempts to get Mykool to take an afternoon off. He asks who will keep the brokers at bay? He does not move.
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JULY 22Mykool's 60-day mark. He has not spoken a sentence that does not contain the word "encrypted." His cat, if he has one, has not been seen.
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AUGUST 5Cloaked's CEO, Arjun Bhatnagar, flies in from Cancun to personally try to get Mykool to take a day off. The two of them end up going down a privacy rabbit hole together.
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AUGUST 21Day 92. Mykool is still at his desk. The Huel is still cold. The company is still operating. Nobody has figured out how he is still standing.
Cloaked, which describes itself on its website as "the privacy layer for the modern web," has issued no public statement on the matter. A spokesperson declined to comment when reached at the office, citing "the ongoing privacy situation."
Neighboring offices have reported unusual activity. A Starbucks a few blocks from the office says Mykool has been ordering the same drink — a venti iced latte, no sugar, no syrup — every morning for 92 days, delivered to the front desk via DoorDash by a driver who has chosen to not be identified.
"I don't think I've seen him blink," said the DoorDash driver who has been making the run. "I hand him the coffee, he looks at me, and says, 'The transaction is complete. Please destroy the receipt.' Then he walks back into the building. I have been dashing for a long time. I have never seen a person treat a venti iced latte like it was a state secret."
Labor attorneys contacted by The Florida Chronicle said they were "reviewing the situation." One attorney, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, "I have handled a lot of weird cases. A man who refused to leave his desk for 92 days due to privacy concerns is not the weirdest thing I have seen this month. But it is up there."
As of press time, Mykool remains at his desk. His badge scan for the morning of August 21st reads 6:47 a.m. The Huel, according to Eric Crossley, a CS Supervisor, "is still cold. I don't know how. I don't want to know how."
Deborah Kowalski can be reached at d.kowalski@floridachronicle.com. She has asked that the Huel not be mentioned in any follow-up interviews.